Confessions
by kg1507
Summary: Nick has left for the Black Forest, and Adalind has come to the gut-wrenching realization that despite her best efforts, she has just made things between the two of them even more complicated than she could've thought possible. Rosalee comes over to check on Adalind and confessions are made. Set after 5x11
_Adalind, you messed up. You really, really messed up, big time._

It had been almost four hours since Nick had left. Four long, tortuous hours, and in that time, Adalind had put Kelly down for a nap, made herself a cup of tea, and came to the gut-wrenching realization that despite her best efforts, she had just made things between the two of them even more complicated than she could've thought possible, which was saying something.

The tea was ice cold, untouched. She would have dumped it down the drain hours ago, but the fear of Nick not coming back and the panic that she was barely keeping at bay made it impossible to move without succumbing to intense waves of nausea. Her head was in her hands as her elbows supported its weight; they had gone numb some time earlier, much like the rest of her body. She was vaguely aware of how cold she felt, but the thought of getting up to put on a sweater made her stomach turn - so she sat there, wondering how she could've possibly thought that last night had been a good idea.

She'd been desperate. Afraid. She had acted on impulse and let her emotions carry her when she should've reigned them in. Maybe if she'd had more time to process everything - but God, he had only given her a few hours notice before running off to chase some fairy tale! She would've been angry at his insistence to leave without at least discussing it with her if she wasn't already distraught over everything else. And if she was being honest with herself, she wasn't sure she had much of a right to protest against anything he did anyway. Not when he could still discard them at any moment.

Her phone vibrated next to her and Adalind nearly flew out of her chair to grab it. Her heart fell back into her stomach when she saw that it wasn't Nick calling, but a text from Rosalee.

 _I'm here! Let me up?_

Adalind had completely forgotten that Rosalee was going to spend the night with her. Here was a whole new set of anxieties. Rosalee had been close friends with Juliette, who Adalind tried to kill, and was friends with Nick, who Adalind had also tried to kill and took his Grimm powers, which he'd gotten back through Juliette pretending to be Adalind, which had turned her into a Hexenbeist, which had gotten her killed and then reborn into someone completely remorseless and detached from everyone and everything, including Nick.

Adalind sighed dejectedly. She really didn't have one single relationship in her life that wasn't bat-shit crazy.

Adalind forced herself to get up, doing her best to ignore her nerves, and checked the security moniter. Once she saw that Rosalee was indeed there, she pressed a button that unlocked the elevator door. She shook her hands, trying to work some blood back into her frozen fingers and paced the kitchen nervously. She wanted so much for everyone to like her, or at least not want to kill her, but there were times Adalind wondered if they were all in on a plan to burn her at the stake when she least expected it. She wouldn't have blamed them if they did.

Adalind pasted a smile that she hoped looked genuine as the elevator door opened and Rosalee stepped out. She dropped a large duffle bag with a heavy 'thump' and rolled her shoulder in a small circle.

"I always, _always_ overpack." Rosalee said. Before Adalind knew what was happening, Rosalee stepped forward and gave her a light hug, both startling and pleasant at the same time. In her heightened state of emotion, Adalind felt her eyes prick. She couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged her in friendship. It felt nice.

Adalind swallowed and forced herself to sound unaffected as she pulled back. "Well, we definitely have the room for it."

"How's Kelly?"

"Asleep. Lucky him."

Rosalee nodded understandingly. Reaching into her bag, she brought out a stuffed plush fox, holding it gently between her fingers as she sheepishly stood back up. "I couldn't resist. I know it's a little cheesy, being a Fuchsbau and all, but maybe someday Kelly will look at it and, well..." She trailed off, and Adalind knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Thank you," Adalind said honestly. She took the toy and smiled. "You'll have to get a wolf too, you know - for Monroe." She was more than a little touched at the gesture and the implications behind it. It would be years before Kelly would be told about the Wesen world, and in her own way, Rosalee was telling her that she would be there to see it.

Rosalee stiffened a little at the mention of her husband, his fate uncertain as Nick's, but her face stayed composed. "I most definitely will." She opened another compartment and pulled out a large bottle of wine with a flourish. "And this is for the adults."

Adalind exhaled deeply, closing her eyes. "You have no idea how badly I need that."

"I figured." Rosalee set the bottle on the counter and popped the cork while Adalind brought down two glasses. As Rosalee poured generous amounts into each glass, she studied Adalind. "How are you? This must be really nerve-wracking, with Nick being gone."

Adalind took a deep breath, not meeting her gaze. She busied herself with swirling her wine in small circular motions, trying to steady her voice enough so that her reply sounded light and breezy, as if the uncertainty wasn't tearing at her insides. She was transfixed by the dark red liquid as it rose higher and higher towards the rim. It was a rich, deep color, almost like... blood.

The cup tipped and wine spilled over the counter, making both women jump. Adalind started to apologize as Rosalee grabbed a towel, when a torrential wave of panic hit her like a tidal wave. There was blood everywhere. Nick's blood, Kelly's blood, Diana's blood, dripping down the counter like raindrops.

Adalind was vaguely aware of a voice, but it was fuzzy and muffled. Rosalee came to her side at once and lifted her out of the stool, guiding her to the spare bed a few feet away. Adalind felt her mind clear somewhat with the movement and by the time she sat down again the wave had passed. Rosalee took a seat next to her, watching her face with alarmed concern.

"Adalind? Adalind, what's wrong? Talk to me."

Adalind shook her head slightly as if to clear the last of the panic away and immediately felt embarrassment replace it. "I'm sorry, I don't... I don't know what came over me. I um... I..." She stuttered. "I'm just worried, that's all."

Rosalee placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I know, I'm worried too. But Monroe is going to call every hour to let me know what's going on, so even if Nick doesn't call you, at least we'll know what's happening."

Adalind nodded, feeling a small bit of relief at this. "Thank you, that really... It helps." Her voice wobbled. "It'll be good to know... what's going on..." She ducked her head.

"Hey..." Rosalee said. "What is it? Something else is bothering you, isn't it?" When Adalind didn't respond, she squeezed her shoulder. "You can talk to me. Tell me what happened."

"We slept together." Adalind whispered. She felt Rosalee freeze.

"Oh... That's..." Rosalee struggled to find the words, and Adalind didn't blame her. Who in their right mind could make any sense out of this impossible situation they were in?

"I didn't plan on it happening so soon, or at all, really - it was on impulse. He was about to leave for a country full of people desperate to kill him, and I don't know if he's going to come back." Rosalee stiffened again and Adalind felt even worse, knowing that if Nick didn't come home, Monroe's chances were basically zero.

"I was scared," She continued. "Not just of the idea of raising Kelly by myself, but doing it without _him_. I didn't want him to leave without knowing how much I..." Adalind paused as her throat tightened painfully. It felt like someone was reaching into her body and gripping her vocal cords, making it hard to even breathe.

Rosalee was quiet. "Are you in love with him?" She asked.

Adalind nodded, the motion causing her tears to finally fall down her cheeks in two uneven streaks. "I told him, and he... he said nothing. And the worst part is," Adalind started to tremble. "I _knew_ he wouldn't say it back, and I thought I would be ok with that, but I'm not, and it hurts _so_ much." As more tears fell, Adalind felt the last of her control slip away.

"I don't want to love him. I _can't_ love him, because I know no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, he'll never be able to look at me without seeing a monster. And I don't blame him at all."

She hid her face and cried then, letting Rosalee wrap one arm around her shoulder and pull her close. Months of turmoil and confusion and uncertainty had taken a heavy toll, more so than Adalind had realized until it was too late to notice the signs. She cried for many reasons - for Diana, for the stability of her old life, for how much she had taken safety and security for granted before all of this; she grieved for everything she'd had and lost, and for what she desperately wanted, despite knowing in her heart just how unlikely it was that she would get it.

After a few indulgent minutes of allowing herself to be comforted, Adalind sat back and cleared her throat with a look of apology.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to dump all of that on you," She said. "Especially you – well, any of you, really, but especially you. As great as you've been, not even _you_ could have that much sympathy for me." She said it jokingly, but with a grain of truth that pained her more than she was willing to show.

Rosalee wasn't looking at her, which worried Adalind. Had she said too much? Was she going to leave? The silence was unsettling and more than a little awkward as Adalind tried to think of a way to rectify yet another difficult situation she had put herself in.

Just as she was about to suggest that her and Kelly would be just fine by themselves tonight if she wanted to go home, Rosalee made direct eye contact.

"You've done terrible things, you're not wrong about that," Adalind felt her eyes widen at the bluntness of her statement. "And honestly, I hated you for a long time, especially after Juliette changed."

Adalind fidgeted, uncomfortable with were this was going, but Rosalee continued in a softer voice that suggested she didn't have to worry about defending herself from physical attack.

"But then you showed up in our lives again, and this time, you weren't trying to hurt us. I know it was because you needed protection and you literally had nowhere else to go, but I could start to see it after a few weeks, the change in you." Rosalee said. "You were different. You _are_ different. I can't really explain how I know, but I really do believe you don't want to be who you used to be, Hexenbeist or not."

Rosalee grew thoughtful. "I did some research, after Juliette began acting out. I can't say for sure because her case is so… difficult to account for, but even though Hexenbeists are generally not the, um," She looked at Adalind apologetically, " _nicest_ of Wesen," Adalind waved the comment off, shaking her head in inclination that she didn't need to be told just how unpleasant her kind could be.

"Despite that, not all Hexenbeists are bad people. It's like saying all Blutbad are carnivorous, ravenous, brutal beasts when I'm married to one who is the exact opposite." Rosalee smiled at the thought of her husband and Adalind felt a small pang of jealousy for what the two of them had. Then her face grew dark and pained as she continued.

"I tried so hard to help Juliette when she changed. We all did, but... I really, really tried to find a way to help her. I couldn't give up, not just for Nick, but because I wanted my friend back." She paused, collecting herself for a moment. "The moment she tried to have Nick shoot Monroe was the moment I realized my friend was gone. I had been picturing her as the victim, as someone who needed to be saved - but the truth was, after a while, she didn't want to be saved anymore. She made that choice herself, not the Hexenbeist inside of her. She could've chosen a different path, like Monroe. Like you." She reached for Adalind's hand and smiled gently.

"What I'm trying to say is that even though you've done bad things in the past, you can't define yourself by them anymore. All of us can see how much you've changed, how hard you're trying to make up for those things you did. Trust me, it's not going unnoticed. And though you may find it hard to believe, we want to help you and protect you and Kelly not because Nick has asked us to, but because we want to do it for you."

Adalind was touched beyond words. She squeezed Rosalee's hand and nodded, her voice wobbly. "That means... the world to me," She said. "I know it's going to take time to earn all of your trust, even though I still don't think I deserve it. But..." She trailed off.

"Nick will probably take the longest out of all of us." Rosalee said pointedly. "You have to know that."

Adalind spoke quickly. "I do, I do," She said. "I'm just worried that I may have made a huge mistake by telling him how I feel. I shouldn't have said anything, it was too soon, and I was scared." She chuckled. "I probably destroyed any progress we had made up till now."

Rosalee was thinking. "But he... responded to you, didn't he?" Adalind could tell she was uncomfortable but it was nowhere near how she herself was feeling. She flashed back to the night before, recalling every touch, every sound, both his and hers. The way he'd looked at her, his eyes hard and wanting.

She flushed a deep red and nodded, unable to do much else.

Rosalee smiled. "Then I think you should be a little less hard on yourself. I mean, obviously he has some sort of feelings for you, whether he knows how deep they run or not."

Adalind looked hopeful. "You think so?"

Rosalee nodded. "I've seen the way he looks at you. There's no hate there - not anymore. He might just need some more time before he's really ready for anything serious."

Adalind chuckled. "Yeah, especially with me." Her face grew passive again. "I just hope that, if he does want to, I won't be..."

Rosalee squeezed her hand again. "Like I said, not all Hexenbeist's are bad."

Adalind tried to smile, but it fell flat. She didn't want to tell Rosalee the truth, the real reason why most Hexenbeists were known for their bad reputations. Being a Hexenbeist was different from other Wesen; that thing inside them wanted _out_ more so than any other species, so much so that it was almost like having another person inside of you fighting to break through your skin. It was like a bad conscience, constantly whispering inside your head. You couldn't blame the Hexenbeist for the things you did, however; it was still you inside, but it did make you more likely to follow a darker path if you were tempted.

Adalind wanted to put all of that behind her. She wanted to be better not just for Kelly, but for Nick, and hopefully Diana if she ever saw her again. It was ironic that once, she had been willing to do anything to get her powers back, and now she would do anything to keep them from returning.

Rosalee smiled kindly and stood up. "How about we try that glass of wine again?"

Adalind laughed and followed, feeling both mixed emotions of relief and unease. If Nick came home - no, _when_ Nick came home, she would talk to him - _really_ talk to him about what she was feeling. She of course would omit some parts; he didn't need to know that she was afraid he would never reciprocate her feelings, but she would apologize and try to give herself some boundaries in order to make things easier for him while he figured things out. She wouldn't make him take leaps before he was done with baby steps.

"Hey, Rosalee?" Adalind sat down on the stool again, putting her hands in her lap. "Does this mean we're friends now?"

Rosalee finished pouring the wine and slowly pushed her the glass. She nodded slowly, seeming to come to terms with the idea. "Yeah, we're friends." She lifted her glass with a smile and made a toast. "To new friends."

Rosalee smiled back and they clinked glasses. _To new friends..._ And for tonight, that was enough.

* * *

A/N: I might have rushed the ending a little, but I wanted to get this up before the new episode aired. I really just want these two to be friends, kay?


End file.
